I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
