Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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