my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
