She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize