she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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