You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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