She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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