I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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