That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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