That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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