soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
