no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
