I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
