Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
