dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
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if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
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Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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