your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize