ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
no, he came in my armpit
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
