If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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