wrigley field is MILF paradise
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
