I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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