how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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