Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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