i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
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I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
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It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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