am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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