____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
