I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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