i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
