mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Found your dick twin last night
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
