just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
