so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
