ugly people sure do ruin things
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
