if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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