I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
