is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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