What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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