He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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