he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
