So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
