Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
