Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
try to milk me bitch
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