I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
