Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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