they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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