Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
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Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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