I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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