When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
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You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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