I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
