tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
never play flip cup with pint glasses
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
