I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize