i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
