I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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