Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
