I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You may now shotgun with the bride
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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