I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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