White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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