I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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