I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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