You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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