I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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