You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
When did angry sex become our thing?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Randomize
