his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
