just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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