i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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