I CAN MOONWALK!
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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