Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
