I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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