HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You can't just leave with hair like that
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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